


in another world (maybe i could be with you)

by lazylikeyourass



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/F, Heavy Angst, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-07-24 20:37:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16182734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lazylikeyourass/pseuds/lazylikeyourass
Summary: unrequited love - one sidedmy series of little fics.mostly where lauren loves camila, but she doesn't love her back.these are a lot of song fics but some are based off my imagination and past experiences.(i'm a sucker for self depreciating stuff, this hurts me deeply but whatever.)





	1. wish u the best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based on unrequited love prompts on tumblr -  
> • "i love you. i'm sorry."  
> • "i want you to be happy, with or without me."

they're behind the school, smoking cigarettes that she paid her brother to buy for her. nicotine really is addictive, one hit and you'll never be able to let go. it's unhealthy for her but she can't stop it. like when you fall in love, it's not really something that you can stop. once you realize you're in love, you're so far gone that you won't be able to let go. she doesn't want to let go. 

"camila?"

"hm?" 

lauren takes another hit of her cigarette, and then tosses it on the ground to stomp on it. 

"i'm in love with you." 

for a second, she thinks the world stopped. great, she can take back what she said and just pretend everything was normal. the look on camila's face said everything that it needed. her mouth didn't need to move. her vocal chords didn't even have to vibrate for lauren to know what she was going to say. 

"i'm sorry, camila" 

camila smiles a little. it's a smile filled with pity and lauren fucking hates it. she hates pity and sympathy, she thinks it makes her look weak. 

"it's okay, but i don't see you like that" 

even though lauren was prepared for that, it still felt like her heart was being stomped on. god, why didn't anyone warn her about how much it would hurt when you're in love? it feels numbing, like you're use to it, but you're really not. when you feel numb, you're so use to it that it doesn't hurt anymore. but it's not like that. it stings, it burns. it burns to know the person who has filled your heart and head with love reject you, and the love you hoped to be requited to slowly leak out. it's like their love is your blood, without it you're just dead, cold, and numb. 

"i know." 

camila didn't do anything. she just stared at her. 

she looked up to meet camila's eyes. god damn, they're filled with sympathy too. 

lauren opened her mouth to speak, "i might not be happy with you, but if you're happy then i'll go on just fine."

she lit another cigarette, she can smell the burning of tobacco. she looked up to meet camila's eyes again. they just stood there doing nothing for a minute, the love lauren had for her was glistening in lauren's eyes, while camila's tender eyes of solicitude just stared right back. 

lauren moves over to the corner of the wall to leave.

she looked back at camila, with dead eyes. and then she leaves, the cold wind blowing her dark raven locks back. 

camila didn't go after her, she didn't care. 

she didn't care that lauren was hurting. she didn't care that lauren was hurting just by a little action of her not accompanying her. 

she didn't care for a torn up lauren. after all, she didn't see her like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well,,,


	2. gender orientation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off of -   
> billie eilish - wish you were gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos to the person who reminded me of this song, ily x

**_baby, i don't feel so good,_ **

who would have told you that rejection would hurt so much? camila meant the world to her. if camila didn't want to do something, lauren would kill to do it for her. just so camila wouldn't be upset. a happy camila, a happy lauren. right? 

 

_**but all you do is look the other way,** _

the more you don't look at me, the more i want you. you're so addicting, addictions are hard to shake off. when you crave something, even in the worst situation, that's all you think about. even when camila left lauren, a broken lauren, lauren wanted her the whole time. she wanted to pull on camila's arm and tell her it was okay, and that they could still talk. whenever lauren catches herself looking at camila and camila looking the other way, she just makes it her priority to make camila look her way. draw her attention, even one last time. but it's an addiction, we can't just quit after once. we're still hungry for more. 

 

_ **i just kinda wish you were straight** _

if camila was straight, that would mean she doesn't like lauren for her gender. not because she didn't like her. but that's not it, camila didn't like lauren because she just doesn't. camila isn't attracted to her the way lauren was attracted to her, and the pain is burning and lingering inside of her. it's eating her from the inside, and soon the pain will consume and she'll no longer be able to resist the pain. lauren wishes she could be gone, and the pain would take over. seven, six, minutes away. and then, she'll be gone. the pain has taken her over, and she was no longer a hassle or a burden to camila. actually, camila didn't feel bad for rejecting lauren, so it was pointless in all. 

 

lauren just wishes camila had a real reason for not liking her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> call me back when you get this


	3. lonely angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off of -  
> "you don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want. i just thought you should know."  
> "when I said i loved you, i meant it."

lauren is on the rooftop of her apartment building, with a bottle of zoloft and xanax. the door to the rooftop is open, anyone could walk in at any time. but she doesn't care, she just keeps drinking. around her are scattered beer cans and broken whiskey bottles. 

 

she's so out of her mind that she doesn't her the stomping up the stairs, or the feminine voice that yells her name. 

 

"lauren?"

 

she's familiar with these feelings, the feeling you get when the past comes back to haunt you. lauren got that shiver up her spine, she always got it whenever she thought of her. even when someone just says her name, or just looking at something that reminds lauren of her. she doesn't feel sad. she's numb from all the pain from the past few years, everything became numb. all her friends that she thought were real, but they really never were. it's not like she didn't see it coming, she just didn't want to believe it. that's how it is when you're in love, you become blind to everything and your senses are dulled down. your conscience is fooled by floating feelings that will waste your time.

 

the butterflies that she gave you because you're so in love her is more addicting than the pill bottles in your hand. 

 

"who is it?" lauren knew who it was. there was no way that should could forget that voice. the voice that caused her the most grief in her life, but also the voice who made her feel like she was flying. like there was nothing that could hurt her, and when they were together it was as if there was nothing that could ever go wrong. 

 

how she was oh so wrong. 

 

"it's camila." 

 

neither of them did anything.

 

it was camila who decided to move forward and grab lauren's hand. she took the zoloft out of her hand, stuffed it in her back pocket. 

 

"what do you want?" 

 

"what do you mean, what do i want?" they finally met each other's eyes. lauren was avoiding that, she knew if she looked into camila's eyes ever again that she would be a goner. lauren knew everything she was thinking, but camila didn't have a clue what she was thinking. 

 

"why are you here?" lauren yanked her hand out of camila's grasp, it almost seemed as if she was burned by her touch. their gazes broke apart.

 

"i wanted to see how you were doing." 

 

 

lauren pulled her eyes back to camila's. lauren was in disbelief. was she serious?

 

"camila.. it was you who decided to leave me. did you really feel so repulsed that you couldn't just stay with me? i told you, you didn't have to say anything. i just wanted to let you know how i felt about you." anger was starting to take over, she's lost the self control that she built up in the past few months. 

 

"i thought you didn't mean it."

 

lauren was fuming, she chucked the xanax bottle off the building. 

 

"what the hell do you mean, you thought i didn't mean it? i loved you camila, i still do. what did i ever do to make you question that? every atom of affection i ever showed to you, i meant every single shed of it. it was you who didn't love me, you were the one who left me. it shocks me how you can even say that, because you act like you were genuine to me the whole time. i can tell when you're lying to me camila. i just believed you because i'm so in love with you that it blinds me. so for fucks sake, don't tell me you wanted to see me again after you didn't even want to breathe the same air as me after i told you i loved you." 

 

love is blinding, addicting, and painful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me how bad my work is 
> 
> thank you to the person who picked these prompts


	4. secret love song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off of -   
> “i’m tired of keeping this secret. even if you don’t love me back.”  
> “i know you don’t feel the same way.”

lauren was seeing things, she the tree beside her was purple and the ground was green. must have been the xanax, oh well.

she was walking through the park, high out of her mind. it was cold and she only had on a sweater, but she was so intoxicated that she felt numb to the point where the coldness of the atmosphere couldn't even affect her.

_**flashback** _

_"lauren?"_

 

_"what the hell do you want now?"_

 

_"i'm sor-"_

_"don't tell me you're sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for. the only one that has to be sorry for anything is me. i love you with all my heart. if you asked me to live for you, i would. if you asked me to hurt myself for you, i would. i want to numb myself from the stinging that you cause me. but at the same time, i want to take advantage of the love that you make me feel, because it feels so fucking good. when we're together, i feel invincible. just the thought of you makes me weak at my knees, and i feel like a little child getting candy. i just want more, and it's slowly killing me inside out."_

_"laure-"_

 

_"it's okay. i realized you don't feel the same way. i saw it in your eyes, but i just fell even deeper. the false hope rising in my head."_

 

** _end of flashback_ **

lauren tossed a few pills into her mouth and washed it down with vodka. 

 

everything was getting blurry, she was dizzy and her knees were starting to feel weak. 

 

her mistake wasn't falling for camila.

 

it was thinking she had fallen in love with her too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks to darnelle big bitch for giving me these prompts


	5. i'm on my own.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> based off of billie eilish's "when the party's over"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank darnelle, yeah? 
> 
> (this chapter is not really a camren chapter, you can read it from lauren's pov though. i won't be putting camila's name anywhere though."

_**tore my shirt to stop you bleedin'** _

 honestly, i would do anything for her. i'll live for her, that's how much she means to me. you know when.. someone you love so fucking much is in pain, and all you can do is feel for them? like, you can honestly feel their pain? yeah, that's how it feels. everything she felt i could feel as well. seeing her cry would have needles prickling my heart, puncturing my valves. to be fair, she caused the most pain. nothing she felt hurt more than what pain she caused me. but it's a shame, i'm just so in love with her. i don't care if you don't love me too, i just want you with me. who cares what i feel? really. i don't care how much you hurt me, how much pain you'll cause. just please, be okay? that's all i want. maybe one day, you'll see how much i care for you. i'll struggle just to impress you. because i want your attention and affection. maybe you already know how much i care for you, but you're just taking advantage of that. who knows, you won't tell me, that's for sure. whatever it is, i don't care if you take advantage. i just want you to know. 

 

_**b** _ _**ut nothin' ever stops you leavin'** _

nothing i ever do is enough, is it? nothing can catch your attention, as long as it's coming from me. because i'm insignificant. i'm sorry, i'm not what you want. i'm not what you need, because what you need is what you want. no matter how much i show that i need you, you ignore it. you know how i feel, and if you spend any time with me, it'll get even stronger. we both want it to go away, because you feel as if i'm a burden on your shoulders. my love for you is a burden. you don't fucking know how to control it. and it's a damn shame. or is it? if it was anyone else, you'd stay by their side in an instant. but not with me. i'm different. i'm not that type of person that you can just click with, am i? you don't feel comfortable around me. it's burning me alive, because you're my home. 

 

_i could lie, say i like it like that, like it like that._

 


End file.
